Customer Satisfaction Detective Pillows

"Thank you, have a relatively wonderful day!"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

"One final question... how did you hear about us/"

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

'I don't get it...Our business model was exactly the same.'

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"Please stay on the line. All of our customer-service representatives are kidding around and throwing paper airplanes at each other."

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

'I think he's recognized us: I told you we should have left a tip last time...'

"The customer is always right....the customer is ALWAYS right..."

Roy's no soliciting signs

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

Budget Air - Click here if you agree to be being treated like dirt

'If you want to praise our company, you're talking to Tommy Smith. If you want to complain, you're talking to Krfrzrk Mnkfplmkrz.'

'You can contact us 3 ways: an email that will be trashed, a fax that will be buried, and a letter which will be lost.'