Customer Patience Guru Gifts

Thank you for holding...

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"Why do they call it rush hour when no one goes anywhere?"

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"Are we done yet? ... Because I'm turning around now."

"Don't worry, darling. You'll happen."

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

Fishing.

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

'I'm ready! You ready?...You ready?'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

Snail crossing

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

Women

"I think my Harry must be practicing some sort of Tantric fishing. He'll be at it for hours and not catch a thing."

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

Road work next 15 years.

A knowledge of where the fish are likely to be located can save hours of frustration.

'This is wonderful. It will help millions of people.'

"I'm too old for baby limas."

'I like to spend my train journeys reading fiction.' (He looks at Rail Timetable. Sign says 'Delays expected'.)

"It pains me to tell you this, but it ain't broke."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.