Customer Feedback Gifts

How was your confusion experience?

"Please visit our website and tell us about your experience with this sale. You can win a gift card good for a free glass of lemonade."

'I'm keen on precise statistics as the next person...'

Suggestions Box

"Hi! I'm Carl, from Amazon fulfillment. Would you mind telling us how you feel about your online shopping experience?"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

"This is for a dissatisfaction survey. On a scale of minus one to minus ten, how bad have we made it for you down here?"

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"I'll carve the wheels, you'll sell them, and Oog, here, can be customer service."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"