Customer Experience Prints

'How can we see our service through our client's eyes?'

10-Minute Oil Change and 2-Hour Wait.

"You must admit, we're a very reliable company."

"Oh...here comes the response from the complaints department!"

"The torture game is certainly a lot easier these days."

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"The main difference is that if you mail it first class. . . we actually deliver it!"

"This perfume's passed its 'smell by' date!"

"98% of customers who weren't given the chance to fill out a feedback form had no negative comments, so we seem to be doing well!"

"So what else can we get our customers to do online themselves and charge them for it?"

"The crystal ball is to indicate when a waiter will next be in this vicinity."

"Hold up! I think that's one of their mannequins."

"Careful, this new loyalty card tells us exactly how loyal you really are."

Target your customer.

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

'I don't like the looks of this ... '

Hidden Facebook Features

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

If you don't see what you want, we don't serve your kind here.

"Now, I wonder whether you'd be kind enough to complete our customer feedback survey?"

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

Suggestions Box

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

Please continue to hold, but feel free to switch hands.

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

"Your call is important to us."

"Why don't you try THIS instead?"

"The customer is always right....the customer is ALWAYS right..."