Custom Challengers Pillows

What a stupid custom! I like it. Teddy. Twig. But I don't believe in Santa and neither do you. So don't hang your stocking! I do believe in mom and dad! Ahh

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

Lawnmower

"I want to make it before I hit thirty."

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

AI

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

Paper being carefully folded until it resembles a scrunched up paper ball.

Escher flat-pack furniture

'Why do it the easy way when you can do it the right way?'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

"Tomorrow, we'll take on the tobacco industry."

"Always a bridesmaid..."

*Sigh*

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Hold it, I think I need something more than "because it's traditional."

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

Spring cleaning.

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

'Unfortunately, Mr.Beckons, your son Dean is very allergic to grass. . .'

Careers Advice

We don't believe one glove fits all!

"I hope this isn't another one of your crazy bounce-me-off-the-wall ideas."

"Tom, this is an ideas meeting, not a planning meeting."

'It doesn't contain anything that'll help you find a job.'

"Who made this mess?"

"Judging by all the dishes, you have forgotten where the kitchen is. So, I programmed this GPS for you."

"Let's do something really different and daring tonight to stimulate our marriage... Tonight I'll wash and you dry!"

Sometimes my willpower needs a little reminding. Stop looking at your phone.