Curvy Advocate Gifts

'I only seem to get fat in some places.'

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

'The treasury decided to use bob geldof's speechwriter this year!'

'You've taken that handlebar mustache too far.'

The Boy Who Wanted To Be A Lawyer - "Father Desmond, we need an exorcism."

Horace Mann

When protons collide...

Make good decisions!

'I haven't been campaigning for a creche all these years for nothing - you're going!'

"The good news is, the children in the district have strong writing skills. The bad news is, we have sustained a letter-writing campaign from the third grade."

"We have every visible wavelength in stock. What color would you like to filter out?"

'It's someone from the Society for Ethical Treatment of Principals asking for a donation.'

Does this skirt make it look like sexy fat?

Enraged by Wikileaks reports of CIA domestic surveillance via home electronics, Della Dinkerbonker fights back.

I have to wear these because I saw my eye doctor this morning. What's your excuse? Excuse? I've got the best excuse in the world: I dig Roy Orbison!

"It's not just the church that needs evangelists. So does big oil."

Homeless dog: 'Would eat homework for $2.'

Tapeworms Need Love Too

"Master, what is the best thing I can do for the poor?"

'Some day son, this will all be yours...unless I get soft and leave it to charity.'

'What's a knee like yours doing in a joint like this?'

In other news, a Kurdish group today announced plans to send humanitarian aid to British and American taxpayers...'

Jake froze in terror...He'd accidentally wandered into a nest of rattlers.

"You got another letter from the neighborhood association..."

Welcome to Umbilicoplasty aesthetic surgery

M is for Mistletoe

"I think Jennifer Lopez gets a bad rap. She's a smart, ambitious woman who works hard, respects her roots, and follows her heart! She deserves all her fame and glory!"

"Well that's a bit bloody inconvenient!"

Denise sports her new hummingbird feeder earrings.

'Here I am...just back from the beauty parlor...'

"I'm not into health foods. I need all the preservatives I can get."

'Please, give me any book.'

'But Father, what about earthly rewards...'

'You can't let the private charities take over welfare, Sire -- you wiped them out with your last tax hike.'

"I'm donating some of my old clothes to the poor and starving." "If they're starving they aren't gonna fit."