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Learn Russian in 2 Weeks!

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

Yawning barristers in court

Drunk Barber

Books / Coffee table books

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"A newspaper has a responsibility to ensure that its readers are fully informed."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

Justice

"I got probation."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"