Current Events Engager Pillows

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Laughingstock

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

SAGE mentality

"America’s leaders since 1980"

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

Vladimir Putin Pulling Trump Across The Table By His Tie

"A newspaper has a responsibility to ensure that its readers are fully informed."

A world divided by the war

No Cheap Fuel Ahead: Easy Street Ends.

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"There-there-all those countries...all those protesters...it's nothing personal...wait a minute! I think it is!"

Statue of Security

The Republican's Plan One: No Obama!

"You're talking politics? Take it outside or online, but not here!"

Native Habitats: Trump/Lies

"He's only been president a few months. Just give hima little time."

"Leapfrog is the latest craze among the kids, but experts say it contribute to declining birthrates. Find out why � after the break!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

'It's getting harder to tell when the news stops and the spin begins.'

Worthless B*****ds

Brexit negotiations had reached a critical stage.