Current Events Engager Pillows

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

Taking Credit after Voting against Stimulus

Laughingstock

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"America’s leaders since 1980"

SAGE mentality

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Vladimir Putin Pulling Trump Across The Table By His Tie

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

No Cheap Fuel Ahead: Easy Street Ends.

A world divided by the war

How the US Succeeded in Afghanistan

"There-there-all those countries...all those protesters...it's nothing personal...wait a minute! I think it is!"

Statue of Security

The Russians Are Coming...Maybe

We Used to Build Things

The Republican's Plan One: No Obama!

"A newspaper has a responsibility to ensure that its readers are fully informed."

"I wanted to always play it down. I still like playing it down because I don’t want to create a panic."

Native Habitats: Trump/Lies

"You're talking politics? Take it outside or online, but not here!"

'Government economists called it a 'slight market correction'.'

'It's getting harder to tell when the news stops and the spin begins.'

Holding a gun to the WHO

"He's only been president a few months. Just give hima little time."