Curlew Admirer T-Shirts

"Just once, I'd like to knee some sonofab*tch."

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

"Our bond is stronger because we chose each other."

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

"Do you live nearby by any chance? I hate to eat in public."

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

You'll see the food is excellent, but the service is far too slow....

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"We haven't danced in ages."

Tortoises breakdancing

The Anti-flat shampoo worked.

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

Halloween sculptor

"He turns into this horrible thing every full moon!"

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

"Trust me – she's a witch."

'Side effects include, headache, dry mouth, muscle fatigue and turning into a frog.'

'You got a search warrant?'

"Vote the Raven: 'Never Trump!'"

Someday, the worm will turn.

Clydesdale never misses a beat.

Edgar Allan Poe

'Hey! When did you learn cursive?'

Aesop's Fables: The Fox and the Crow

"So, Claire tells me you ate her parents last night."

"Luckily, my insurance covers roadside assistance."

Wolfman riding in the Car

"Don't miss a single word, Edgar. I am not going to dictate this poem again: once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary..."

'Sorry I'm late. I woke up on my back, and you know how turtles are.'

"Rats, the peace-talks are progressing well and they're pushing for a cease-fire: better make the most of it while we can..."

I can't decide if this is a self-improvement project or a home improvement project.

"I'm on a diet. I'm taking a blood thinner."