Curator Of Curiosities T-Shirts

Antiques: Out Bidding

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

The Googler

'That's about it so far, Son.'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"And this is our media room."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Physician tending a mummy.

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

$1: Family Secrets

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Misunderstood artist

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'