Culinary Sage T-Shirts

"First you make a roux."

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

The Authentic Christmas.

"I told you to order the mild salsa!"

Bishop with a crozier case.

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

Fish near-death experiences.

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"This is very mysterious. I can't seem to pick up anything at all about you, but I see 'Ivan the Terrible' coming to the Thalia."

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'Because Elvis is FULL of philosophical insights.'

This salad tastes funky� Is this ranch dressing? Oh, I'm sorry, sir� I thought you ordered raunch dressing.

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

'About that blood pressure...stop taking things with a grain of salt.'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.