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"First you make a roux."

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"I told you to order the mild salsa!"

The Authentic Christmas.

Bishop with a crozier case.

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

Fish near-death experiences.

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

"This is very mysterious. I can't seem to pick up anything at all about you, but I see 'Ivan the Terrible' coming to the Thalia."

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'About that blood pressure...stop taking things with a grain of salt.'

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

'How will my turkey turn out his year?'

'Was this eye of newt locally sourced?'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

Chess Chef