Culinary Job Seeker Gifts

'No, I'm afraid we're dull. But we do have two vacancies in the Kitchen.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"You're the lid to my pot."

Soup of the month.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

"Rump roast?"

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Picking pastries.

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Cookbooks

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Garden.

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Too much cilantro

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"