Culinary Ironists T-Shirts

"Sorry, but the final T bone steak, French fries, eggs and ice cream are off the menu."

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Is the MSG local?"

Too much cilantro

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Countervailing Clichés.

The Origins of Everything

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Happy hour.

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"