Culinary Ironists T-Shirts

"Sorry, but the final T bone steak, French fries, eggs and ice cream are off the menu."

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Is the MSG local?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Too much cilantro

Countervailing Clichés.

The Origins of Everything

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

Happy hour.

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"