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"Grandma, how do they get the corn out of the can and stick it on those cobs?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Lesser known greek gods,

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'The Burrito King.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

A Club Sandwitch.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

Cat eats date.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

Where Deviled Eggs come from

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

"Carpe pizza"

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'