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"Grandma, how do they get the corn out of the can and stick it on those cobs?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Lesser known greek gods,

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'The Burrito King.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

A Club Sandwitch.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

Cat eats date.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"Carpe pizza"

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."