Culinary Gift-giver Pillows

"Friends with Bagels"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

celebrating a birth.

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

Christmas Presents.

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

Love.

Birthday Racing Car

"Actually it's darling and I'm sure it would fit perfectly. It's just that I'm not a woman."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

Valentines Balloons

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

'And that,and that,and that...'

'Aha! You can tell Dottie and the kids I didn't forget their presents!'

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Fred, Sam, Brian, John, Walter, Jeff...."

"Say it with Pierogies"

'Don't worry -- I used a bond issue.'

'A globe warming party?...Guys, you shouldn't have!'

A feminist Christmas.

'You've agreed to work Sundays, haven't you!'

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

'The farmer's kids asked me to wake them early tomorrow: It's Christmas day!'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."