Culinary Diplomat Pillows

Monastery Kitchen - Ombudsmonk

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

"You'll have one bite of everything!"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

Mayo-A-Mayo

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Alphabet soup

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

Interfaith dialogue

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

'You drive a Japanese car, drink French wine, eat Chinese food, own an American computer, buy Canadian lumber and vacation in Mexico. How can you be AGAINST free trade?!'

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

Opting for Chinese food for lunch, the law partners decide in principle to share their dishes and, accordingly, before ordering, negotiate a comprehensive pre-victual agreement.

'What did you say?' - 'I was talking to my broccoli.'

"What would make it perfect, egg salad or pastrami?"

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

Lunch Broker

Cat pleads into mouse hole: 'Can't we talk about this?'

"These family dinners have become a lot friendlier since we started wearing nametags."

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

'If you'd like to, you can discuss the question of eating genetically-modified food with our staff ethicist.'

'I'm just back from my 'Cheeses of France' discovery tour...It was amazing!...'

"Would either of you care to look at the dessert menu, or are you still breaking up?"

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."