Culinary Diplomat Pillows

Monastery Kitchen - Ombudsmonk

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

Non-smoking. Do you have a footsies section and a non-footsies section?

"You'll have one bite of everything!"

"There's U.N. Weapons Inspectors at the door. They need to see your meatloaf."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Mayo-A-Mayo

"So are you can't cook or won't cook?"

Thanksgiving Family Get-Togethers

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

Alphabet soup

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

Interfaith dialogue

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'We'd like a quiet table for 47.'

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'It was the last straw when she threw her lumpy gravy over me!'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. I'll have the beef and tomato consomme from Santiago. Coming up one chilly Chile Chili!

Cooking Contest. I hear you can make tempura out of anything. Yep -- Anything you can do, I can do battered!

'You drive a Japanese car, drink French wine, eat Chinese food, own an American computer, buy Canadian lumber and vacation in Mexico. How can you be AGAINST free trade?!'

Opting for Chinese food for lunch, the law partners decide in principle to share their dishes and, accordingly, before ordering, negotiate a comprehensive pre-victual agreement.

"Sign the contract first kid, then you get the sweets!"

'What did you say?' - 'I was talking to my broccoli.'

"What would make it perfect, egg salad or pastrami?"

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

Lunch Broker

'Thanks, Sis, but I think it's my turn to leave the stealth tip.'

Cat pleads into mouse hole: 'Can't we talk about this?'

"These family dinners have become a lot friendlier since we started wearing nametags."

'If you'd like to, you can discuss the question of eating genetically-modified food with our staff ethicist.'