Culinary Comedy Buff Pillows

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'Pardon me, M'sieur -- Did you order 'grilled cheese' or 'chilled grease'?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"States of tofu"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Chez Nous Menu

6 Brothers Falafel

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

"Ninja bread men"

Cookbooks

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Would you like some wings?"

Wok. Don't Wok.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."