Culinary Captain Pillows

Kiss the Commander in Chef

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

'Table 17 wants his salmon seasoned only with sea salt - from the Pacific; between 25 and 30 degrees south latitude.'

Counting ribs

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

Soup of the month.

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Garden.

Too much cilantro

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

Holiday Supplies

I love Cannelloni

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Please don't kill me."

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'Who ordered the shark?.' '

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

The perfect man

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

'I used to have a regular restaurant, but it kept burning down.'

"Pie chart"

"Cut down on the pumpkin spice."

The boss is truly a courageous risk-taker. Only he tasted the salmon mousse at last year's company picnic.

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'