Culinary Bungler Pillows

"I ask you to do one thing..."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

To do before Saturday...

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"More helium."

It's all gravy.

"Namasteak"

'You made me jump.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

"I'm not all you can eat? But I brought my special plate!"

A balanced diet is a Cherry Cheesecake in each hand.

"Here comes the tossed salad!"

Out and In.

'Too much hazel, not enough nut.'

"Don't worry. We've never hit a target since we've been in office."

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"We saw some inspired lunacy, then had some uninspired Italian."

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'My compliments to mummy.'

"But I ordered death by chocolate."

Cannibal: 'FOOOOD FIGHT!

Mixing Business and Pleasure

'The molto randy refelled her genoise.'

"That was fun. Let's do it all again in three weeks."

Too many kooks spoil the Broth.

'The president wants us to take more risks. I say the riskiest thing we can do now is to give ourselves another bonus.'

'Then, after adding the eye of newt, allow to simmer for twenty f*****g minutes.'

"Apparently our hotel is just a stone's throw from the beach..!"