Cue Sports Lover Gifts

"Hey, I don't like slamming into you guys any more than I like getting walloped by a huge stick."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Mixed Doubles.

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Monica Seles

Ratminton

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

A day at the transgenic races

"How should we divide the teams?"

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Saving a Heart

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."