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"That's not all, general! At the current trajectory, we're headed directly for a black hole!"

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"Portrait of a Lady"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

First Prize!

The Harper Plays Cricket.

Cristiano Ronaldo

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

Multitasking executive dog

101 uses of a dead cat: spring board.

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Football.

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

Fox hunting.

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

A skier and a paraglider

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

Soccer player being showered with toilet roles and a toilet.

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"

'Steeee-rike three!'