Cue Sport Enthusiast Pillows

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

'I know, I know. You're stripes. I get it, already.'

I like the Jets...I guess

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Football Chameleon

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Gary turns 40.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Raheem Sterling

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Ratminton

A married couple share the same pole vault.

"How should we divide the teams?"

A day at the transgenic races

Saving a Heart

"Let's get ready to bumble!"