Crystal Gazer T-Shirts

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

'Tech's working on it to also predict, future market regulations.'

'...and you cannot change a thing, as you are completely controlled by your genes.'

'I see a woman with a very large, round nose... Oh, wait, that's my reflection. Let me try that again.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

Exam Questions Foretold

"I see prosperity in your future."

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

I channeled John Dewey. He says if you want to be a good teacher, don't teach reading and writing. Teach students.

Madame Z, fortune teller...sees all/rells all...can help you find your car.

"Punk skiffle is the next best thing."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'You will soon be on a serious roll. Wait-make that a bagel.'

Dave began to doubt Madam Zola's authenticity as a tarot reader.

'Oh my... It looks like you have only 24 hours left to live...'

"I don't know what this mumble jumble I just said means either. Let's call tech support."

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Why the silence?"

"When she gets back, don't mention we were talking. They hate it when we cut out the middleman."

'She's our future analyst.'

"Your husband will meet a violent end."

'Don't add potassium nitrate to anything this year.'

'I'd say your financial future is looking bright.'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

Early psychics.

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

"A tall,dark handsome stranger will consider you quite a catch."

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

Hopelessly ugly.

'Bring back my crystal ball!'

'Oh my, Mrs Ladybird, you'd better fly home: Your house is on fire and your children are gone...'

'I see a tender, dark bruise coming your way...' (Balm readers)

"What do you mean, 'why did I bring you here?'... You said you wanted to talk about our future."

"I see a man with funny-looking hair. . . uh oh!. . ."