Crystal Ball Pillows

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

Big Medium

"Hey Lorna, come see the stupid thing this guy is going to do next week."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

Quantum Psychic

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

Ill next Thursday

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

Govt. UK led by Seance

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"Call yourself a fortune teller? I've never even heard of the Cairo museum!"

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Nostradamus.

Hog Futures

Paranormal Fair: 'Closed due to unforeseen circumstances'

'Of course, the future isn't what it used to be.'