Crutch Commander T-Shirts

"Just badly sprained thank goodness... I was so scared it might be broken..."

"Ernie! Watch the speed bu..."

'Y'all come back soon, now, hear?'

Coping with a strong-willed child

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

TV-Man

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

The lame cowboy with spurs on his crutches.

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

Culinary surgery.

Rollerblader wears a cast and has wheels on crutches

"Yeah, our garden is always a mess: We can't stop ourselves foraging for worms..."

"Still on your left."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

'You went to obedience school and you're still not allowed on the couch? What a gyp.'

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

Broken ankle.

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.

"I'll only be a few minutes more dad!"

You've grazed the refrigerator, surfed the net, flipped the channels...for someone who doesn't move much, you sure do get around.

Just Married

"Sky, sir?"

Worshiping the TV.

'What's wrong? You can play any game you want! Mwaahahaha!'

'Presently, Reinhart, I possess a controlling interest in comfy chair and the remote.'

Possum Army HQ. Here's the casualty report, sir --- You have to take it with a grain of salt, of course.

'I'm glad to see you had no problems transitioning from the lazy days of spring, to the lazy days of summer.'

'I watch shows I don't like because I can't find the remote.'

The first successful removal of a TV remote control from an adult male's clenched fist.