Cruise Goers Pillows

'I went on a cruise and all I got was this T-shirt.'

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Upper class child with toy cruise ship.

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

'See you in two weeks!'

Excess Baggage: When you are on a cruise and they say the ship leaves at 5:30, they really mean the ship leaves at 5:30.

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

"Ticket and passport, please."

"I thought the travel agent said 40% off."

The Desert Island Package

Cruise.

'It always great to get away from it all.'

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'

Skiing at Sea

"Well, we've learned that passengers will mutiny if they are served meatloaf two days in a row... Even if you do call it the South Sea Surprise on the second day!"

'Your first cruise then, mate?'

Viking River Raids

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

The Queen Mary 2: World's largest ocean liner.

'I can't get them to leave. They want to sign up for another cruise.'

Tui River Cruise

"Welcome to the staff! The compensation is generous and they have good benefits. They're cutting out our paid Bahamas cruise though, because too many employees never came back."

Excess Baggage: Take lots of photos on your cruise so you can show folks what you looked like before you gained those 20 pounds.

'This MUST be our ship!'

S. S. All You Can Eat

"So did you folks have a nice vacation?"

Death takes a holiday.

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."