Cruise Director T-Shirts

Man Overboard and Drink Overboard.

'Do ships 'like this' sink very often? No madam, only once!'

Toy Boats And A Toy Ocean Liner

The Very First White Wine on Ice

'I can't get them to leave. They want to sign up for another cruise.'

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Showbiz Awards

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Golfing Boss

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'Smith, we need more creativity. You have to learn to think outside the box.'

Bo're'droom

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

What can I do? He says it's his thinking cap.

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'