Critters Counselor Pillows

Non Compos Mantis

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"Have you tried biting him?"

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"I have special needs-- good food, warm bed, fresh water, and plenty of room to pop wheelies!"

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"I see so much love reflected back in his adorable little face."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

SPCA: USED CATS AND DOGS

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

"If you're looking to adopt a dog that's good with cats, may I suggest Ruffus."

'You know Solomon, I just keep feeling that something isn't quite right today.'

Worm Appreciation Society!

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

The emotional rollercoaster of a Lab

"The thing is we lived in L.A.,...we never even needed mittens!"

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

Dog on couch at psychiatrist office talking about love and liver snacks

Re-home Sweet Home

Fido phones

"Yes, you're definitely a good boy. Your only fault may be that you care too much."