Critter Detective Gifts

'This infestation is far more serious than I was anticipating.'

'Check you house for termites, Lady?'

'Look at this! The little critters are not asexual after all!'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

Barks in code.

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'So who needs sonar?!'

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'The word bath is mentioned.'

Sergeant Jones gave the assurance that they had an 'assortment' of leads back at the station. . .

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"What's all this?"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'One of the good things about being a dung beetle is that my kids are not fussy eaters...'

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"Now how did she know?"

Clandestine cows.

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

"That's why I don't use those dog carriers."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'This article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that.'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

"The guy I bought him from says he's a pure sheepdog."

"Curiosity."