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Bad Reads

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Herman Mankiewicz

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Lesser known greek gods,

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

Final words on gravestones.

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'