Critically Minded Pillows

Spider Darwin Awards goes to The Bug Vacuum

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Opportunities in Coronatimes

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Fear/Knowledge

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Light Bulb Moment

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

“It's a tree, sweetie. No need to Google it.”

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

'The Questioner'

Worry tank

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

Skeptic Tank.

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Florida Governor, Rick Scott, cuts funding for rape victims.

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

George Orwell

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"Hey...look...I'm prepared to admit that I might have been wrong, but...I think it's time to draw a line under it... and y'know...move on..."

'How do we SLEEP at night?'