Crisis Averting Enthusiast Pillows

"Sorry. . . Houston isn't here at the moment - but if you'd like to leave a message. . ."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

Goldfish bowl on raft...

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

Desert Island Mishap

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

'Not likely - the last time I went in one of those, it sank!'

Help! Send fishing tackle!

'Go and hunt for your own lunch. Who do you think I am, Ray Mears?!'

The End of the World is Nigh - man with placard

"I'm realizing how useless I'd be in a post apocalyptic world - All I do is draw cartoons."

"I swear, if you say 'I'm bored' one more time . . . "

On the scale of 1-10, do you like it?

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

'Wow, that shift almost got us.'

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

Shipwrecked.

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

'Hello - I've been parachuted in to save the bank.'

No Action Comics

Last mirage for the next 20 miles.

"I'm very proud. Someone I've been stalking has been nominated for an Academy Award."

'Now what?'

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"The sign says you can swim to civilization from here, but that sounds unlikely."

'... And when Brad Pitt told you that it was this way to the waterhole, you didn't think that you may have been hallucinating?'

Hammock for Man on Desert Island with Single Tree

'Think about it: If you eat me now, you won't get an egg every day...'