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"We'll do everything we can. In the meantime, would you like a new identity to replace your stolen one."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster have some fun with the tourists...

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Yound Einstein disproves an early theory: 'Aha! A watched pot DOES boil!'

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'You don't have a license and registration, do you?'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

The new Physics

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

Mobsters at the Beach

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

The evidence destroyed

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

911: Would You Like Us To Commit a Crime?

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'