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"There aren't too many things more unsettling than discovering an old mattress in the woods. So creepy." "It's like a cold case crime podcast waiting to happen... Let's get outta here!"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'When I grow up I want to join the SWAT team!'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

'Not much cop are you!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"Paper or plastic?"

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Police Lineup Escape

"Make it look like an accident"

"It's a beautiful day except for the murders."

"Gee, Marshal, he must have been one of the good guys"

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

Handcuffs.

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."

Parachuting with Concrete Shoes

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'