Crime Novel Reader T-Shirts

'I don't like the look on your face when you are reading my life insurance policies. . .'

Al Capone as a child

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

"Je vous laisse ma carte, si quelque chose vous reviens en memoire..."

Oliver Twist - Fagin Contracts the Aid of Morris Bolter

"Where did you last have everything?"

'Omerta' sign in a Mafia library.

'Oh no, we forgot to lock the office safe.' - 'What's the problem? We're both here, aren't we?'

The Olympic torch hindered by scrap metal thefts.

'The close Ops surveillance people have just sent these photo's over and we now strongly suspect that Jimmy the Greek is onto us...'

'He's my accountant.'

'We're looking for a 'temp' employee to serve time in Leavenworth.'

"We've hit the jackpot! It's Ed Sheeran's songwriting formula."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

The Philip Marlow family

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

Dog detectives

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"Say, Chief, any progress on the pencil case?"

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

'Try to think of this as a learning experience.'

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"I couldn't finish that book either."