Credit Investigator Pillows

'Just a minute while I pull up your file.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

U.S. Credit Rating

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Christopher Isherwood

Standard And P****d.

'Wait a minute....!

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

'It's a type of credit card that self destructs when it reaches the limit I've set for you.'

Recession

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"Doesn't look good. The boss just changed his Facebook status to 'Fleeing the country with hookers and compnay 401k plan.'"

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"All the salmon has disappeared yet every door to the house was locked. Oh, it's a mystery all right."

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"These insurance papers you gave us are for an '86 Buick."

'Wait a minute....!

Well, you're busted! Forensics just came back: the bite-marks match your dental records!

'We've got a new DNA database...'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."

"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."