Credibility Fixer Pillows

"This plastic surgeon is a genius! In addition to the usual stuff, she removed all those ugly marks from where I'd repeatedly stretched my credibility!"

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I don't know who you are!"

Waiting for Pants

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

A man sews broken hearts back together.

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Junk Science. (Scientist sits in lawn chair just outside of junk yard.)

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

"It's time to break up the company!!"

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"For financial reasons we're selling this brick and mortar home and becoming an online family."

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

'How should I know why my daughter has not spoken to me in over a month, stupid!'

"With finances the way they are we had to give up the idea of a family holiday this year."

"Nope - ya know what they say - an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure..."