Creative Writing Gifts

"Yes, but what I really want to do is write children's books."

Young Stephen King

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

Alice in Badassland

"But I have a hard time calling this real writing."

"It's plotted out. I just have to write it."

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'

'Yes, I suppose certain narrow-minded people would call it a ‘pack of lies' - I prefer to think of it as creative up-selling.'

'True, we have encouraged you to use your imagination, but not in math.'

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.

'Quit if you want, Bowman, but the intellectual property stays here.'

'Max really likes those genetic markers.'

"'Yes,' she mumbled?... Sighed?... Muttered?... Snarled?... Hissed?... Growled?..."

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

'I'm going to free associate for an hour, and I want you to turn it into a coherent strategy.'

At a creative writing workshop for accountants.

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

"It was the best of Starbucks. It was the worst of Starbucks."

500 pages and one masterpiece later, Stephan makes a horrifying discovery.

Think.

'The dog ate my homework but it can be presented nonetheless because he's a passable ventriloquist.'

'Reading this grant proposal, I conclude that you must have gotten an A in creative writing.'

Roget inventing the Thesaurus - "Roget, it's wonderful; amazing; incredible, but where do you get the idea form?"

Blogger's Block: 'I'm all nouned out.'

At the Corner of Irate and Insane

Writer's Block

Characters jumping out of a book.

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

"I'm waiting for my imagination to run riot."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'I see here you're a professional writer. That explains the touch of whimsy in your return.'

Ginspiration!

'Ms. McWit, I'm not writing about 'What I did this summer' until the school gets a good libel lawyer.'

At the advertising copy department.

'I have great hopes for my next alibi -- I'm taking a creative writing course.'