Creative Writing Gifts

"Yes, but what I really want to do is write children's books."

Young Stephen King

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

Alice in Badassland

"But I have a hard time calling this real writing."

"It's plotted out. I just have to write it."

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'

'Yes, I suppose certain narrow-minded people would call it a ‘pack of lies' - I prefer to think of it as creative up-selling.'

'True, we have encouraged you to use your imagination, but not in math.'

'Quit if you want, Bowman, but the intellectual property stays here.'

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

"'Yes,' she mumbled?... Sighed?... Muttered?... Snarled?... Hissed?... Growled?..."

'I'm going to free associate for an hour, and I want you to turn it into a coherent strategy.'

At a creative writing workshop for accountants.

Advertising Agency - "...Fooling some of the people all of the time is damn hard work."

"It was the best of Starbucks. It was the worst of Starbucks."

500 pages and one masterpiece later, Stephan makes a horrifying discovery.

Think.

'Reading this grant proposal, I conclude that you must have gotten an A in creative writing.'

Roget inventing the Thesaurus - "Roget, it's wonderful; amazing; incredible, but where do you get the idea form?"

'The dog ate my homework but it can be presented nonetheless because he's a passable ventriloquist.'

At the Corner of Irate and Insane

Writer's Block

"I'm waiting for my imagination to run riot."

Characters jumping out of a book.

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

'Ms. McWit, I'm not writing about 'What I did this summer' until the school gets a good libel lawyer.'

Ginspiration!

'I see here you're a professional writer. That explains the touch of whimsy in your return.'

At the advertising copy department.

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'What's going on? -- First you say we should show originality, and then you mark my spelling wrong!'

'I have great hopes for my next alibi -- I'm taking a creative writing course.'

''What I Did During My Summer Vacation -- A Coming of Age Story....''

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"