Courtroom Thrill-seekers Gifts

'But, what if we look back on this as the Golden Age of Litigation?'

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

"You don't have to answer that."

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

Privatization and Deregulation are the gas in the engine of the economy.

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

"Yes, that is the book I wrote, but it was heavily edited by a homicidal maniac."

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

Lawyers - A peroration a la Demosthenes

Julian Assange

'It wasn't me - but I'm sure whoever did it had a good reason. Looks, charm and 10 aliases only get you so far.'

'Just out of curiosity, do you have a best case scenario?'

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

"I probably deserved a twenty year sentence, but did he have to do it in a Donald Duck voice?"

'Do I have to enter a plea?'

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

'Me, I'm here for perjury: I said I couldn't remember while under oath...'

"What we're going to say to the jury is 'Love the embezzler. Hate the embezzlement."

'I guess there's a lack of big trials. Court TV is carrying a tennis match.'

"My client was unaware that public waste disposal places exist, as she only watches TRASH on the television."

'Your Honor, I object. My client should be judged by a jury of his own bears.'

You misunderstood me, your honor. When I called for the ultimate punishment, I wasn't referring to the death penalty. I was saying the defendant should be sentenced to a date with me.

"How do you plead - quilty or not quilty?"

"You call that a 'jury of my peers'!?"

'... and I sentence you to three years appearing in reality TV shows.'

'Is the person you saw with the gun here in the courtroom today, and if so, would you point him out for the jury?'

"So you don't deny putting plastic explosives in your husband's executive toy ?"

"I'm keeping a diary. If ever there is a court case I don't want to have to rely on my memory!"

Mistress Dominatra, Esq.

'Okay, now read that back to me in your best James Earl Jones voice.'

"He was a plagiarist. So what if I plagiarized him."

"I'd like to avoid a costly and embarrassing trial but I could use the media exposure."

'Yes I am sure this isn't another FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT!'