Courtroom Drama Enthusiasts Gifts

"What we're going to say to the jury is 'Love the embezzler. Hate the embezzlement."

"It wasn't my fault, Your Honor! -- I swerved to avoid a pink elephant!"

"In your own words, describe to the court. . . what you witnessed - and when and where you witnessed it, Mister Jehovah."

"Good morning, everybody. My name is Donald, and I'll be your judge today."

"You call that a 'jury of my peers'!?"

Privatization and Deregulation are the gas in the engine of the economy.

"Permission to treat the witness as hostile, your honor?"

'The jury is deadlocked on where to go for lunch.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm going to knock some sense into you!'

'You seem nervous.'

"So you don't deny putting plastic explosives in your husband's executive toy ?"

'Is the person you saw with the gun here in the courtroom today, and if so, would you point him out for the jury?'

'Objection, your honor! Referring to my client as a 'killer' bee will influence the jury!' 'Sustained - please refer to the defendant as an 'alleged killer bee'.'

I stole the painting to prevent it leaving the country.

'If I tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I'll have nothing left for my book!'

'Me, I'm here for perjury: I said I couldn't remember while under oath...'

'The prisons are overcrowded, so I'm sentencing you to twenty years in Detroit.'

'You're accused of running too fast and knocking down a pedestrian...'

"And is that the windshield that killed your husband?!"

'... and I sentence you to three years appearing in reality TV shows.'

Trial by Media

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."