Courtroom Sitcom Lover Pillows

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

'Since prisons are full, I'm sentencing you to 5 years of Jury Duty.'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Sue the Author 3PM

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"They're class action figures."

Sue The Bastards

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

Contest of wills.

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"