Courtroom Romancer T-Shirts

"Isn't it wonderful, Judge,we started out as co-defendants and ended up co-dependents!"

Trial by Media

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

Barristers

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

Contest of wills.

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'Why is it always about me?'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

"Please accept the apologies of this court. You're free to go now, and, by the way, here's your DNA back."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

Arrogant junior barrister

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'