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"I killed him in self-defense. I'm not good at accepting criticism."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Not guilty?"

A baby in court

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Baby's first words.

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Can you hear me now?"

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'Judge Mental.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

On second thought, your honor

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'Talk to my lawyer.'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."