Courtroom Attendant Pillows

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

Arrogant junior barrister

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'