Court Official Pillows

'The 'whole truth and nothing but the truth' can be tricky.'

Intimidating the witness

Trial by Media

'You've got nits, M'Lord.'

"Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, the bitter truth...."

'Your Honor, may I have an ethical moment with my client?'

"Are you really, really sorry?"

'Testing, Guilty...'

Site of the Trial of the 9-11 Terrorists.

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"OK, two out of three..."

'You are in court today, so I've got to take you into make up.'

'Okay, not guilty - Now get out of here before I change my mind.'

'The prisons are overcrowded, so I'm sentencing you to twenty years in Detroit.'

'Since this your first offense, I am sentencing you to seven months of jury duty.'

'It's your perogative but I think you would be crazy to plead insanity.'

The hazards of an Alaskan spring - "Court adjurned for 3 months."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

You added a nought to your claim, so the judge added a nought to your sentence.

'Some of us temper justice with mercy - McGregor tempers it with MONEY.'

Scored high on the Breathalyzer test.

"I suppose you're like me, only signed up for the free uniform."

Judge

"As the defendant has made clear in his bail request your Honor. He poses no significant flight risk because a Penguin just cannot fly!"

"Because of the heinous nature of your crime, I hereby sentence you to lose your health coverage!"

'One good thing, with the shortage of judges, you will have served your time before the case comes to trial.'

'Yes, sir...always a sell-out on lawyer day.'

'This is where we stockpile lawyers, in case of a paper war.'

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

'M'Lud, Glass Exhibit A is now Exhibit A, B, C and D...'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

'Thirty years for murder one? - Couldn't you just give me some sensitivity training?'

Subpoena envy - 'I wish I'd delivered that!'

'So I robbed a bank! -- what difference will it make a hundred years from now?'

'I hope you don't mind. To save time and money, we've sworn in the firing squad as the jury.'