Couples Therapist T-Shirts

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

"Look at you—folding the laundry two days before couples therapy."

"Ready, Harold? You're the wicked troll and I'm the garden fairy, and you're very angry because you don't want me passing over your bridge on my way to Grandma's house!"

"Look, you've been great. It's just that we'd like to start seeing other marriage counsellors."

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

"Do that thing where you leave."

Your Home Remodel Team

"Couples therapy is not 'going out.' Henry!"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"All relationships have dry spells. Just remember your lines and try not to bump into each other."

Clancy: Divorces

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

'Let's take this step by step -- first, I want you to recognize each other's right to exist.'

'He just always acts like he's trapped in the relationship.'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"The only time I have fun in bed is when he gets cramp."

Relationship Warning Lights

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

"It's not that she talks in circles-- it's more like elliptical orbits."

"He refuses to talk and he never listens."

Two Rages Passing in the Night

"Hey, I'm in the mood for love—be back in a few hours."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

Insert Bad Life Here

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."