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"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"I'm putting you on country music."

A newspaper stand in a rural area.

Towny Music Night.

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

'You had me at OOOO-AARRR!'

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"It's bad, Doc. the voices in my head are singing country western."

A Modern Day Cowboy and his Horse.

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

Supply was out of harps.

'The grass is always bluer to a banjo pickin bovine!'

Where the deer and the antelope play.

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

Here's a little number I wrote from bitter personal experience...

The Invention of Country Music.

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."

Music from the moon.

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Ray Price, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard