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"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Elvis Presley

Cockerel sings the blues...

"I'm putting you on country music."

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

'You had me at OOOO-AARRR!'

Towny Music Night.

A newspaper stand in a rural area.

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"Well, the hills were alive with the sound of music...I'm sure!"

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"It's bad, Doc. the voices in my head are singing country western."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

A Modern Day Cowboy and his Horse.

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"I came all the way from Alabama just to see you, Susanna. Why in tarnation are you cryin'?"

Supply was out of harps.

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Congerto Number One, first movement."

Where the deer and the antelope play.

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

'The grass is always bluer to a banjo pickin bovine!'

Music from the moon.

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

The Invention of Country Music.

This'n song here, "She Done Me Wrong 'n' That Ain't Right," goes out to my high school english teacher.

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."

Here's a little number I wrote from bitter personal experience...