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'It's a quarter-to-three and there's no one in the place except ewe and me.'

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

"Westminster's over, Shep-it's all about possums now."

'You wanted a tractor intead of a wedding car, and our dogs as bridesmaids... so why shouldn't I have one of my cows as best man?'

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Cockerel sings the blues...

"I'm putting you on country music."

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

A newspaper stand in a rural area.

'You had me at OOOO-AARRR!'

Towny Music Night.

"The times – They have a changed."

"Well, the hills were alive with the sound of music...I'm sure!"

Dear Farmer Brown - we really don't like you. The Animals.

Boy, this stuff's hard to swallow!

"It's bad, Doc. the voices in my head are singing country western."

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

A Modern Day Cowboy and his Horse.

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

'The grass is always bluer to a banjo pickin bovine!'

Where the deer and the antelope play.

Cowpunk

"This machine kills fascists, and this machine kills fascists, and this one is just a guitar."

The Invention of Country Music.

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."

Ray Price, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."