Counterfeit Expert T-Shirts

'We don't have to go on any quiz show. We're millionaires!'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

'I'm afraid this new self you reinvented has already been patented.'

"Yours is the worst case of identity theft I've investigated."

'I'm going to ask you one more time; who left a hot mug on this table?'

'Great news Marcel! Proof that it's a genuine Leonardo!'

'How can we be so sure it's a fake, gentlemen - she isn't smiling!'

US Camouflage School

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

'I suspect, Madam, that this Van Gogh is a forgery.'

"No. I can still see you."

"All right, which one stole your identity?"

"When this is all over I'll be nice to people."

"My client already has a patent on round things."

'Oh, no! They've got a Swiss-army defence lawyer!'

"I miss infringing U.S. copyright law."

"Remember – anything said on this butte stays on this butte."

'Your resume is great - but I'm always suspicious when a good man is easy to find.'

'How could you swindle those good people who trusted you?'

Introvert Career Faire.

'Well it didn't get up and walk away by itself.'

An employee of a school for spies, reads a top secret document as the photo/ painting of the schools founder peeks over his shoulder.

'If you're going to surveil people, you can't expect to have a lot of facebook friends.'

Forged signed memorabilia.

'Due to intellectual property concerns, I refuse to answer any questions.'

"I experienced a rare moment of inner peace and solitary introspection, so of course I had to post a selfie."

You Think Your Phone Is Spying on You.

Mortkey, we've got to work on what we learned in obedience school. Can you sit? House of Java .net Cybercafe. If you sit, I'll give you a slice of Hawaiian pizza with extra jalapenos. A victory for obedience, bribery, or Domino's? For a soda, I'll agree not to throw up on your couch.

The Smoking Gun

'What do you mean you keep getting 'The number you want is busy' ?'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles - we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts!'

"Stop having good ideas for other people."

"I didn't know there was that much money in the whole world!"

'It's too late to copyright 'Have a nice day.''