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'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

TV-Man

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

The sofa freshly made up...

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'You went to obedience school and you're still not allowed on the couch? What a gyp.'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

"Have we scored yet?"

Are they dangerous? Only if I shut off the tv.

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.

"What are we doing today?"

You've grazed the refrigerator, surfed the net, flipped the channels...for someone who doesn't move much, you sure do get around.